Discipline How To Blog

Will he grow up to be a fireman?

What is our responsibilities as parents? Certainly we must love, nurture and protect our children. However, we must also make sure that our children grow up to be responsible and responsible adults and this means teaching them the skills that they will need as they mature and grow.

In order to raise children that will be able to eventually live and thrive on their own, we must create a balance. Raising independent children does not mean an environment where there is too much freedom and not enough parental guidance. On the other hand, if you make all the choices for your children, they will never learn to be independent.

Here are a few tips for raising independent children:

Don’t Do Everything for Your Child

I know this is hard, very hard, however, as a parent, we need to teach our children and let them try it on their own. It may be faster for me to tie my son’s shoelaces every day, but if I never teach him how and then let him try, he will never be able to tie his laces. The same principle applies with chores. Children may take longer and not do as good a job as the parent, but they need the responsibility and the opportunity to learn the correct way.

Teach Your Child to Prioritize

When your child starts school, this is the perfect time to teach them to priortize. Help them make a list of what she needs to do each day. Help them schedule time for homework, chores and play time.

Teach Your Child Life Skills

Your child will need certain life skills in order to eventually be an independent adult. The last thing you want is for your 39 year old daughter or son stopping by each week for you to do the laundry! Following posts will focus on life skills that you can teach your child each year as they grow.

Teach Them About Money

Discuss with younger children the cost of different items including food and toys. Older children should be taught how to manage money. When they are old enough, give them a budget for clothing or other necessities and make them stick to it. Teach them the concept of saving and giving.

This post is the first post in a nine part series:

Part 1 - Tips for Raising Indpendent Children
Part 2 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 3 and 4 Year Olds
Part 3 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 5 and 6 Year Olds
Part 4 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 7 and 8 Year Olds
Part 5 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 9 and 10 Year Olds
Part 6 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 11 and 12 Year Olds
Part 7 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 13 and 14 Year Olds
Part 8 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 16 through 18 Year Olds
Part 9 - Raising Independent Children - Conclusions

Another article in the series will be posted each week. Don’t miss a single one - Have the articles emailed to you!

Technorati Tags: discipline, independent children, parenting

My daughter is a high school freshman. She is not old enough to get a “real” job, but I like to have a game plan before she starts asking. The appeal to having is job is MONEY. Almost every teen wants extra spending money in their pocket and since Mom and Dad don’t grow money on trees, they figure that they will need a job to afford all those extra luxuries.

I personally think that having a job as a teenager is a good thing. However, if they are going to work during the school year, the hours should be very limited, 10 to 15 at the most. Here are some points to think about:

• Discuss the hours that your teen can work. Be realistic. If your teen is involved in sports or music, their time may be very limited.
• Suggest the possibility of having your teen work only during the summer. This will give your teen plenty of time for school work and extra curricular activities during the school year.
• Set up a budget for your teen. Tell them what you expect them to pay for out of the money they earn, what they should save, and what they should give to charity.
• Teens who work long hours tend to also be involved in more risky activities. Keep in mind that school work should still be their number one focus.
• If your teen absolutely hates school and does not plan to go on to college, try to get them to focus on a career plan after high school. Are they interested in construction or electronics? Maybe they could get a part time job as an apprentice.

Currently, my girls both get a budget for clothing and can earn extra money from doing “money chores.” Money chores are chores that are above and beyond the normal chores that they do as part of our family, such as filing paperwork, cleaning out the refrigerator or freezer and babysitting. If my teen were to get a job, we would adjust the clothing budget so that she would need to contribute to it as well. I good rule of thumb that I have found is: 40% savings, 10% charity and 50% spending money. Spending money can include such things as gas, movie tickets, clothing and eating out.

When your teen asks if he can get a job, be sure to sit down with him and devise a plan that will balance home, school and job.

Technorati Tags: teen discipline, teen jobs

I have two daughters, ages 9 and 14.  It is not too hard to guess that they like to shop for clothing!  Before I knew what was happening, their closets and drawers will filled with clothing that they seldom wore.  I started establishing some rules for clothing purchases and here is the process we follow at our house.

One in, Two Out

For every one item of clothing brought into the house (purchased or a gift), the girls must get rid of two similar pieces of clothing that they own.  I have started with the one for two option since they have too many clothes right now.  When their are less clothes in their room, I will change the rule to one in, one out.

The Budget

Each girl is given a budget for purchases every six months.  The first “payment” is in August in time for back to school shopping and the next payment is in February.  We determine ahead of time what amount each child should get and these amounts are not always the same.  For example, my older daughter is required to purchase certain items of clothing for soccer and this amount is included in the budget.

Clothing, Shoes and Accessories

The budget money is only to be spent on clothing, shoes and accessories (such as bags and belts).  I do not allow them to purchase food, video games, movie tickets and the like with this money.  I purchase school supplies for them and this does not come out of their budget.

Keep Track

I give each of my girls a notebook for them to keep track of their purchases.  They must staple the receipt and keep a running total.  I review it with them every two weeks or so.

Exclude Certain Purchases

Some clothing purchases are excluded from the budget.  Prom dresses and dresses or outfits for events they are required to attend (family wedding, anniversaries, etc.) are excluded.  However, they are required to purchase clothing from their budget money for friends parties.

Discuss Appropriate Purchases

Before you allow your teen or tween to start purchasing, go over with them what is appropriate.  At our house, halter tops and belly shirts are on the inappropriate list (as well as other items).  If they make a purchase you don’t approve of, make them take it back.  Of course, if you just don’t like the color, you might have to live with it!

It’s Your Money

When we are out shopping, and my girls want to make a purchase (that is appropriate), I tell them “It’s Your Money.”  My older daughter has learned that spending $25 on one t-shirt is not economical.  She can get two or three t-shirts for the same price at a discount store or on sale at a department store.

If I am shopping with my girls I pay for the purchases and then have them write it in their notebooks.  If my older daughter goes to the store with friends, I will give her a small amount and have her return all the change and bring back the receipts.  Money for food comes out of her chore money.

Don’t Give In

Some kids will want to spend the whole budget at one shot.  Don’t give in, if they can not purchase anything until the next budget period.  They will better understand how to manage money if you don’t step in when they make mistakes. 

My goal as a parent is to raise children into responsible adults.  Giving them every thing they could possibly want, does not make them responsible.  My daughters have learned that they have to make wise purchases if they want to make their money last for six months.

Technorati Tags: budget, discipline how to, parenting, shopping, teen shopping, tween

My children would watch television or play video games 24/7 if they could.  The television can be so addictive!  Since, I don’t want my children watching television continuously, we have set up a system to limit their television time.  I purchased the product TimeScout Monitor from Family Safe Media and installed it on one of the televisions.  This tv also has the video game console connected to it.  Each child is given an “access card.”  The cards can have time added or deleted and the child uses the card to “swipe on” the television set. 

There have been advantages and disadvantages of using this type of system.

Advantages

• It is easy to add and delete time to the child’s card.  Time can be added for completion of chores, good behavior, etc. and deleted for bad behavior.
• Once the time runs out, the television turns off.   I don’t even have to nag them to turn off the television, they know when their time is up.
• The system works the best for my youngest son and video games.  He is allowed a limited amount of time each day for video games.  When the televsion turns off, the game is over.
• The system gives warning beeps before turning off.  A video game can easily be saved an ended in this amount of time.
• Each child gets their own card and can control their own time.

Disadvantages

• When all three children want to watch the same program at the same time, whose card does the time come from?  It is hard to keep track of whose turn it should be to swipe their card.
• If you have a child with no time on their card and another child wants to watch a program, you must find a different area for them to play or do work in.

This system seems to work best when it just controls video game play and not television watching.  It has worked well for our family, but we have to keep diligent on time management on the cards.

Technorati Tags: discipline how to, television time management

picture by Uriel 1998

Some parents are fearful that if they do not send their children to preschool that they will not learn the skills (or the discipline) to attend kindergarten. While good preschools can teach your children valuable skills, these skills can also be learned at home. Some parents do not have the option of homeschooling their preschoolers due to work demands, but those that do might want to take a second look.

Terrie Lynn Bittner has written an excellent article outlining the pros and cons of homeschooling your preschooler. She lists arguments in favor of preschooling including, socialization skills, academic training and school-related skills.

However, she has a longer list of arguments against preschool. Terrie states:

“It is only in the recent generation that preschool has become nearly mandatory,largely corresponding to the numbers of children in daycare.”

Terrie makes that case that the skills taught in any preschool are very easy to teach at home and parents know what their children need best. Some parents feel that their children need preschool just for the socialization and then find that their children are learning inappropriate behavior. Instead, some parents are finding play groups for their children to increase socialization and at the same time are there to reinforce positive behavior and stifle negative behavior.

Terrie’s article also lists methods of teaching preschool in the home and how to create a stimulating home environment.

I used to work full time outside the home. My two daughters were both in daycare and they did well there. After my youngest son was born, I decided to stay home full time. I had him enrolled, during the day, in a some small classes at the gym (swimming, sports) where in a short amount of time he learned socialization and listening skills. I then enrolled him in a home-based preschool, one in which the parents take turn teaching and helping. There he learned art skills and some academic skills (shapes, numbers, etc). The rest I did at home. I probably spent less than 20 minutes a day with him on reading and math. He just entered kindergarten and can read and do simple math. While regular preschools have good intentions, the attention paid to each student can be minimal. One-on-one time with your child can increase the amount they learn in a very little time.

If you are interested in homeschooling for preschool, Terrie’s article is well worth the read.

Technorati Tags: discipline how to, homeschool, preschool

It is so hard for me to believe, but my oldest daughter started High School today!  Yesterday she was a little kindergartener - and then I blinked.  High School can be an exciting time, but also a stressful time for young teenagers.  My daughter was a little concerned when, at orientation, she could only find half of her classrooms.  Here are a few tips for parents of new High Schoolers:

• Be Involved.  Attend any meetings offered to parents.  If possible, become involved in sports committees or the PTO/PTA.
• Listen.  Be prepared to listen to your child’s fears and also what excites her.  Try to help her overcome any anxities she may have.
• Help you child get organized from day one.  If the school does not provide planner, get one for him.  Help him organize notebooks based on his schedule.  Teach him these skills and then let him go it on his own.
• Read the school handbook and be aware of the rules and regulations.  Detentions are often given for tardiness or excessive absences.
• If your child’s mood changes, try to ascertain what is bothering her.  There may be bullying problems and your child may feel that they can not talk to you about the problem.  Suggest they try their school counselor if they won’t discuss the problem.  If there is a bullying problem talk to the child’s counselor or a school administrator.
• Let you child get involved.  There are plenty of extracurricular activities at school.  Let her find one that interests her.
• Your child should get three good meals a day and get plenty of sleep.  Most teenagers need at least 10 hours of sleep a night!  Limit time spent on computer and video games and television during the week.  Instead opt for exercise, outside time or reading.

Teenagers seem to forget that they are part of a family as well.  They should still be involved in family activities and have responsibilities (chores) around the house.

Have a great school year!

Technorati Tags: teen discipline

  You may have heard a lot about Role Playing Games (RPGs) such as World of Warcraft, Everquest, Final Fantasy, and even Toontown.  The games are also referred to as Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games (MMORPGs).  Hundreds or even thousands of participants can play at one time.  These games not only appeal to children and teens but to adults as well.  Unfortunately, some parents have found that their children are spending more time involved in playing RPGs than in doing anything else.

Why are these games different than other video games?  For one, MMORPGs offer chat features that allow you to interact with other players all over the world.  Second, the games also allow you to form teams or gang up on other players.  These features often make it difficult to step away from the computer for even one minute for fear that you may let down your other “team members.”  Plus, online gaming can also expose children to inappropriate content, language and behavior.

Many parents are growing concerned about addictions to online gaming.  While all children may not become addicted, there is the chance that your child may.  A sign that your child is addicted to online gaming is the need to play the game for more than four hours per day, irritable when they can’t play and forego other social activites to play the game.

What can you do as a parent to ensure that your child does not become addicted to online gaming and is in a safe playing environment?

Safe Playing List - Some games feature a block feature which allows interaction only between an approved buddy list.

Turn off Chat - If the game has a chat feature it can usually be disabled.

Know the Games - Find out which games your child wants to play and know their ratings.  Unfortunately, there are always “cheats” that allow players to modify their characters which may make them inappropriate.

Limit Time - Limit the time that your child can play online games.  Offer rewards of playing minutes for completed chores, extra help around the house, or good behavior at home or in school.  Online gaming (or even video games) should be the last thing your child has access to.  Homework, chores, sports or other activies should be completed first.

Be Firm - If your child knows how to use the computer, they can “Google” hundreds of articles about how online gaming does not cause an addiction.  I know, I have read through many of them.  Set the rules and don’t stray from them.

Throw it Away - When all else fails, throw the game away, or lock up the computer.  If the computer is needed for school work, try and spend time with the child when they are working on the computer.

I know of several ADULTS that are addicted to online gaming.  While they have not got to the point of quiting their jobs, almost all of their free time is spent playing online games.  Relationships with spouses and friends have suffered.  Their conversations are only about what happened in the “game” and their lives, apart from work, are based on a fantasy that does not exist.

Take time today to take to your child about online gaming.  If you have young children, make a plan before your child is introduced to online gaming.

Technorati Tags: discipline how to, online gaming, parenting