Discipline How To Blog

My daughter just recently passed this stage, so it is an age near (and sometimes dear) to my heart.  By thirteen, most young women have undergone a lot of physical changes including menstration and breast development.  On the other hand, most young men are just beginning to go through puberty.  Many thirteen and fourteen year old girls tend to realize that they are more mature than there male counterparts.

At these ages, independence is key.  Although teens want to still be part of the family, they also want their own space.  Their rooms become an important part of their lives as does friends and “hanging out.”   While most kids this age want to be able to talk to their parents, they also do not like to be lectured to.   I have found this part particularly difficult.  We as adults, may want to completely talk out an issue.  Teens, on the other hand, want to hear the bare minimum.  Instead of a lecture, bring up the problem or issue in one or two sentences, ask for their opinion or explanation and then decide on any punishment if necessary.  Let them know that they can talk to you about it anytime that they want, but don’t force them.  It is absolutely necessary to have family rules already established by this age so that the teens now the consequences of their actions.

Don’t be afraid to set rules that teens may feel is interferring with their privacy.  One rule we have in our house is that I know all the social media and email accounts that my daughter accesses and I know the passwords.  I do routinely check up on her, but I don’t let her know unless I find something that would be harmful to her or others.

Talk in the car.  Often when driving my teen to various events, I will bring up incidents in the news or from school that I think she should be aware of.  A number of girls were caught recently giving oral sex to boys in the back of the bus.  I didn’t lecture her about not doing it, but I mentioned the incident and how I thought it was inaproppriate.  She agreed and the subject ended.

Do NOT let your teenager become disrespectful.  This is something that has to be nipped in the bud.  At our house, the children must respect both the parents and the other children.  An older teenage child will sometimes act like the parent to younger children which only causes problems.  This is a work in progress.  I talk with my daughter at least twice a month about respecting others in the house.  She does fine for a while and then those moody teen emotions get the best of her.  If I don’t keep her on track, however, things can get totally out of control.

Thirteen and Fourteen Year Olds should be able to:

• Mend clothes, learn how to use a needle and thread
• Decorate their own rooms
• Shop for their own clothing and other personal needs
• Plan their own parties
• Keep their own budgets and use a debit card and ATM
• Learn First Aid and CPR
• Use a keyboard the right way (very important for high school and college)
• Keep their own calendar and make appointments
• Place an order by phone, mail and internet
• Know how to check the oil and other fluids in a car
• Baby-sit
• Change a flat tire
• Know how to clean outside and inside of car
• Learn how to paint a room
• Attend movies with friends (and without parent)
• Learn about local and national politics and accompany parent when voting

The dreaded tween years!  These are the two years that I found that many issues can start and if you don’t get a handle on them, beware the teen years.  Children at this age:

• Start to form tighter peer relationships.  It is important to them to have friends (especially of the same sex).  Make sure that you know who your childrens friends are at this age.  If you wait too long to find out who is important in their lives, it will be harder to steer them in the right direction later.
• Experience much more peer pressure.  As children enter middle school, peer pressure becomes more pronounced and harder to ????.
• Want to be more independent.  They may complain about having to attend family functions and prefer to hang out with friends.  Try to find a happy medium.  Let the child know early that they are still part of the family.  Gear some family activities around interests of the child and every once in a while encourage her to invite friends.
• Body image becomes very important.  As puberty starts, children become more aware of their bodies.  This is the age where eating disorders can occur.  Teach your child to eat healthy and involve them in some sort of physical exercise.

To help your child at this stage:

• Be involved in school activities.  Meet your child’s teacher and attend school events.
• Talk to him about school, friends and other interests, but don’t grill him.  You may only get short one syllable answers, but at least he knows you care.
• Discuss what is right and wrong.  Tweens may find a lot of gray areas.  I have also pointed out to my children what I believe is inappropriate behavior and dress.  Now they point those things out to me.
• Discipline is important!  Make sure your child knows the rules and the consequences.
• Money!  Set up a plan to help your child manage money.  My favorite plan is Money Smart Kids.  This program teaches children to save their money, contribute to society by giving to charity and even have money to spend on themselves.
• Be vigilant about homework.  Set up a place for your child to complete her homework each day.  Help them study for tests if needed.  They need to make sure that they start good study habit now.

Children that are eleven and twelve should be able to:

• Shop for their own clothing (set up a budget for them)
• Learn how to make appointments (such as the dentist)
• Use the internet safely
• Learn first aid
• Plan and help make meals
• Help with a garden
• Mow the lawn and use weed trimmer
• Iron their own clothes
• Use a pay phone to place a call (teach them how to make a collect call).  You never know when a cell phone will not be available and there is an emergency.
• Clean inside and outside windows
• Learn a craft or hobby