HELP! My almost 10 yr. old daughter has been getting worse and worse with her blatant disrespect towards me. I know that she continues to say and do the things she does, because I don’t know how to handle it. In the past hour these are the things she has said to me…1. You’re just so stupid! 2. Your face is ugly! 3. I hate you! 4. Stupid! 5. You’re the dumbest person ever! What do I do? Do I resort to physically trying to force vinegar in her mouth (as some have suggested)? I usually try to just tell her that it is wrong for her to talk to me like that, and then walk away. But it is only getting worse.  I also have two boys, one is 7 and one is 4, and they are starting to model her language. I often feel extremely “stepped on” and “deflated,” especially by my 10 yr old, because this has been going on for a long time, and no matter what we do, it just gets worse. There are times that it hurts my heart so badly that I feel like I know what it’s like to be emotionally abused on a daily basis.

Many of us have felt this way!  Don’t get discouraged, instead you need to set some rules for your children and breaking these rules some with consequences.

A few years ago, both my older and middle children were becoming a handful.  I had specific rules in my mind, but I did not communicate them well to my children.  I didn’t write them down and the consequences were always random and did not exist.  This was NOT working.  Then I was invited to a seminar at the local elementary school.  The program was called Smart Discipline by Dr. Larry Koenig.  This system changed the way that I disciplined my children.

This system teaches you, as a parent, to talk to your children about expectations, establish rules and formulate consequences.  The key to the program is follow through.  If you are willing to take a stand to diminish bad behavior, this system works!

In a nutshell, the Smart Discipline program uses a simple chart system.  The program suggests, and I have found this to be true, that you need to choose one or two behaviors to focus on at a time.  Trying to solve every problem at once may not work.  The child helps establish the consequences and understands that for each instance of bad behavior he receives an X on his chart.  The child will receive a few warning Xs before the consequences set in.

After using this system for my two older children and modifying their behavior, I stopped using the system for a while.  Now, my six year old son, is starting with whining and tantrums to try and get his way.  I pulled out the old system and I sat down with him to go over the rules and consequences.  When the whining starts, it is easy for me to remind him of the consequences and for him to see the chart and his progress.  Most whining sessions are easily nipped in the bud.

If you are struggling with behavior issues with any of your children, I would highly recommend Dr. Koenig’s Smart Discipline program.

Safety Tat is a great product to help you keep your kids safe this summer!

At these ages, independence is key.  Although teens want to still be part of the family, they also want their own space.  Their rooms become an important part of their lives as does friends and “hanging out.”   While most kids this age want to be able to talk to their parents, they also do not like to be lectured to.   I have found this part particularly difficult.  We as adults, may want to completely talk out an issue.  Teens, on the other hand, want to hear the bare minimum.  Instead of a lecture, bring up the problem or issue in one or two sentences, ask for their opinion or explanation and then decide on any punishment if necessary.  Let them know that they can talk to you about it anytime that they want, but don’t force them.  It is absolutely necessary to have family rules already established by this age so that the teens now the consequences of their actions.

Don’t be afraid to set rules that teens may feel is interferring with their privacy.  One rule we have in our house is that I know all the social media and email accounts that my daughter accesses and I know the passwords.  I do routinely check up on her, but I don’t let her know unless I find something that would be harmful to her or others.

Talk in the car.  Often when driving my teen to various events, I will bring up incidents in the news or from school that I think she should be aware of.  A number of girls were caught recently giving oral sex to boys in the back of the bus.  I didn’t lecture her about not doing it, but I mentioned the incident and how I thought it was inaproppriate.  She agreed and the subject ended.

Do NOT let your teenager become disrespectful.  This is something that has to be nipped in the bud.  At our house, the children must respect both the parents and the other children.  An older teenage child will sometimes act like the parent to younger children which only causes problems.  This is a work in progress.  I talk with my daughter at least twice a month about respecting others in the house.  She does fine for a while and then those moody teen emotions get the best of her.  If I don’t keep her on track, however, things can get totally out of control.

Thirteen and Fourteen Year Olds should be able to:

• Mend clothes, learn how to use a needle and thread
• Decorate their own rooms
• Shop for their own clothing and other personal needs
• Plan their own parties
• Keep their own budgets and use a debit card and ATM
• Learn First Aid and CPR
• Use a keyboard the right way (very important for high school and college)
• Keep their own calendar and make appointments
• Place an order by phone, mail and internet
• Know how to check the oil and other fluids in a car
• Baby-sit
• Change a flat tire
• Know how to clean outside and inside of car
• Learn how to paint a room
• Attend movies with friends (and without parent)
• Learn about local and national politics and accompany parent when voting

• Start to form tighter peer relationships.  It is important to them to have friends (especially of the same sex).  Make sure that you know who your childrens friends are at this age.  If you wait too long to find out who is important in their lives, it will be harder to steer them in the right direction later.
• Experience much more peer pressure.  As children enter middle school, peer pressure becomes more pronounced and harder to ????.
• Want to be more independent.  They may complain about having to attend family functions and prefer to hang out with friends.  Try to find a happy medium.  Let the child know early that they are still part of the family.  Gear some family activities around interests of the child and every once in a while encourage her to invite friends.
• Body image becomes very important.  As puberty starts, children become more aware of their bodies.  This is the age where eating disorders can occur.  Teach your child to eat healthy and involve them in some sort of physical exercise.

To help your child at this stage:

• Be involved in school activities.  Meet your child’s teacher and attend school events.
• Talk to him about school, friends and other interests, but don’t grill him.  You may only get short one syllable answers, but at least he knows you care.
• Discuss what is right and wrong.  Tweens may find a lot of gray areas.  I have also pointed out to my children what I believe is inappropriate behavior and dress.  Now they point those things out to me.
• Discipline is important!  Make sure your child knows the rules and the consequences.
• Money!  Set up a plan to help your child manage money.  My favorite plan is Money Smart Kids.  This program teaches children to save their money, contribute to society by giving to charity and even have money to spend on themselves.
• Be vigilant about homework.  Set up a place for your child to complete her homework each day.  Help them study for tests if needed.  They need to make sure that they start good study habit now.

Children that are eleven and twelve should be able to:

• Shop for their own clothing (set up a budget for them)
• Learn how to make appointments (such as the dentist)
• Use the internet safely
• Learn first aid
• Plan and help make meals
• Help with a garden
• Mow the lawn and use weed trimmer
• Iron their own clothes
• Use a pay phone to place a call (teach them how to make a collect call).  You never know when a cell phone will not be available and there is an emergency.
• Clean inside and outside windows
• Learn a craft or hobby

It seems that children’s diets today are not nearly as healthy as they used to be and this can contribute to acid erosion.  Acid erosion is a growing problem among adults and children.  Most parents do not think that their child is at risk for acid erosion that can cause enamel loss.

I recently found a product that is trying to help the problem.  Sensodyne, a leader in sensitive teeth products, has developed a product called Sensodyne ProNamel for Children.  It is a pediatric toothpast designed to help re-harden tooth enamle.

On their website, you can find a ton of information about the problem and you can even request a sample of the product!

Now, if I could just get my kids to brush longer!

“I am wondering where to turn…I have a nine year old, who is driving me crazy with his dawdling! He moves so slowly, and I feel like I’m always on his case to move faster, faster, faster! We’ve tried using a timer, adding chores, etc, but nothing seems to work! I know he can move fast if he’s motivated, but I can’t seem to find that one thing that works for him! Can you help? Or point me in a direction?”

Nothing drives me crazier than a dawdling child! All of my three children at some point have been dawdlers. I have found that sometimes what I consider dawdling is not really dawdling at all. I tend to be an impatient person and a child who doesn’t immediately act on my command causes frustration for both myself and the child.

Instead, I have tried a number of different techniques:

• I found that sometimes I wasn’t giving my child enough time, especially in the morning. I, like my kids, like to sleep until the last minute, but I know how quickly I can get ready. I need to give them more than the 20 minutes it takes me. Instead of trying to rush, I try to get them out of bed 20 minutes earlier.
• I made each child a chart with pictures that has their morning and bedtime routines listed in order. The first step, get out of bed. Then, get dressed, etc. They are not allowed to do ANYTHING else until all steps are completed.
• After school, homework and chores must be completed before anything else is attempted. If it takes until dinner time to do those things, then it is off to bed after dinner.

A friend of mine had a daughter that was constantly late for everything. He set up a time schedule for her. For example, she must be ready to go out the door for school at 8:15am. If she is not ready at 8:15am, she must go to bed that night 30 minutes earlier. Then he gives her until 8:20am. If she is not ready by 8:20am, another 30 minutes of time is added to bed time, etc. It only took him a week of this before she learned that going to bed at 6:00pm is not a very attractive idea. Don’t make the deadline to get ready at 8:15am if school starts at 8:30am. You will need extra time as a buffer to allow the child some mistakes.

Always use praise when the child does get ready or completes tasks on time. Depending on the age of the child, a chart with stickers might be a good idea as well. Also, children who dawdle may be seeking attention. The more I yelled, the more it seemed to worsen. Instead, I came up with an action plan, stuck to it and calmly told them when they had missed a “deadline.” Of course, I am not perfect, and I tend to get very impatient when things are not done to my time schedule, but I am learning!

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Easy Ways to Stop Childhood Obesity

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“What do you advise to help train my celebral palsy 20 month old who can’t verbalize but gets our attention by yelling.”

First, screaming and yelling is a common attribute of two year olds with or without a disability. Two year olds find it easy to scream and yell to get attention and it usually works. After awhile, parents usually become irratated with the screaming and do not know who to put a stop to it. Here are some tips for encouraging more positive behavior.

• If your child can not verbalize yet, teach him a sign or other sound that he can use to get your attention. When he uses this sound or sign, respond immediately. When he screams ignore him (I know this is hard to do!).
• Two year old are very smart and realize when a behavior is effective. Encourage good behavior and ignore bad behavior at this stage.
• If the screaming evolves into a tantrum, let them know that you love them and when they are done screaming that you will give them a hug and then move away a few steps.
• If the tantrum or screaming occurs in a situation where the child needs to be removed. Remove the child (to the car for example) and continue to ignore the behavior, letting them know that when they are finished they will be able to go back to the activity.
• Try not to yell back. This only reinforces the behavior in the child.

I hope these tips are helpful!

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How To Get Organized In 2009 - Your Questions Answered

The seminar is offered by Cara Mirabella of the Household Helper. Cara is a home and family management coach and has authored numerous e-books to help families.

The teleseminar is Tuesday, December 20th at 9:00pm EST and the cost is only $1! Included with the teleseminar is:

1. 45-minute seminar answering your questions
2. 45-minute open Q&A/discussion
3. Recording of the teleseminar (MP3 file)
4. Transcribed notes of the teleseminar
5. A resource sheet and check list to help you get started
6. My new special report The Household Helper’s Quick Start Guide To Getting Organized In The New Year

This is a great way to start getting organized at your house. Sign up now!

Since I have a nine year old, this age is very dear to my heart!  However, this is an age where sloppiness sets in.  Nine and ten year olds are usually not very neat with their clothes and will try and wear clothes from the hamper or off the floor.  Nine and ten year olds are into making plans and will often help out with family outings planning the littlest of details.

Unfortunately, it is at this age that children also learn that parents are not infallible.  They begin to see that everyone makes mistakes and question authority.  Girls will start to mature faster than boys and will not understand why the boys in their class at school are still “silly.”

Don’t let your child lose interest in school at this age.  Get them additional help if needed so that they do not feel left behind.

Children that are nine and ten should be able to:

• Mop floors
• Do own laundry (with instructions)
• Bake cakes and cookies
• Set goals and follow through
• Learn first aid
• Wash car
• Clean stove and oven
• Write letters and thank you notes
• Vacuum out car
• Plant a garden
• Hammer nails and saw wood
• Use e-mail
• Sew on buttons
• Follow a simple recipe
• Wrap presents
• Use a leaf blower
• Memorize poems or bible verses

If you have a relative that loves to cook and bake, let your son or daughter help them out.  We send our daughter and son over to their grandparents house on holidays and they learn how to make some of the old family recipes.

This is also an age when respect needs to be instilled and enforced.  If children do not respect parents and other adults at this age, the teenage years will be unbearable!

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