Discipline How To Blog

This time of the year can be a fun and happy time, but it can also be an annoying time.  When my children realize that Christmas is getting close, they start talking about nothing else than what they want on their Christmas Lists.  Unfortunately for them, we are not millionaires and they do not get anything that they want.  Here are some ways that I control Christmas Spending and bring the true spirit of Christmas into our homes.

• Decorating - pick a day to decorate your home for the season.  I take time putting the nativity scenes in a special place and talking about Christmas.  Play Christmas music and have a special treat.
• Make a Budget - I make a secret list on my computer for each child where I write down what I have bought for them and the cost.  This helps me keep within my budget.
• Make Lists - I have each child write down what they want and then I review it with them.  Toys or items that are very expensive or inappropriate are taken off the list.  My children understand that there are items that we just can’t afford.
• Charity - Have your kids buy a toy for Toys for Tots or another charity.  Explain to them that there are children who will receive nothing this year.  At the Elementary School they have a “Giving Tree” which I encourage the children to participate in.  They pick a tag from the tree and buy a toy for a child in need.
• Pick Names - If you have a large extended family, make a new tradition, pick names instead of giving to everyone.  We do this with my siblings and my husband’s siblings as well.
• Make Traditions - Every year we get tickets to a play at the State Theater (and the tickets are only $6 each).  This is a fun holiday tradition for our family.  We also open on gift each on Christmas Eve.  I let them open the gift I choose, which is always pajamas!  They have something new and cozy to wear for Christmas Morning.

The Christmas Season can be hectic but enjoyable!

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It is easier to prepare your child to handle peer pressure when they are still in Elementary School, then to wait until the Middle or High School Years.  I found a wonderful article by Judy Larson with her tips on how to Prepare for Peer Pressure.  Judy advocates following these four steps:

1. Asking a question or questions
2. Identifying the wrong
3. Evaluating consequences
4. Suggesting an alternative

Judy gives some real life examples in her article.  Here is a real life example from one of my children’s lifes so you can see how the process works.

My middle daughter was pressured by her friend, Jane, to not include another friend, Amy, in their recess play.  My daughter asked Jane, “Why don’t you want to include her?” (Step 1)  Jane answered, “I just don’t want to.”  My daughter knew this was not nice (Step 2) and thought that if she did not include Amy both she and Amy would feel sad (Step 3).  Instead, my daughter said to Jane, “Amy is so much fun and she knows a new clapping game she could teach us.”  (Step 4) Jane decided that it would be fun to include Amy and the girls played together throughout the school year.

Take time to sit down with your children and make up peer pressure situations.  Let them go through each step of the process.  This will prepare them to think about peer pressure situations when they arise.

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Your seven and eight year old is well into academic learning and has been focused on school for a couple of years already.  Hand-eye coordination is fully developed and she has good balance.  Kids at this age can be quite self-critical and need boasts to their self-esteem.  Unfortunately, you might find that your child can be quite a complainer at these ages.  However, your child really starts to know the difference between right and wrong and is willing to take blame and correct mistakes.  This is a time to be patient with ever changing emotions.  Be sure to discuss peer pressure with your child at this stage.

Children that are seven and eight should be able to:

• Wash/Dry Dishes
• Floss Teeth
• Clean toilets
• Pull weeds
• Take care of nails and hair
• Use an alarm clock
• Be interested in Team Sports
• Start to know own interests (music, sports, drama, etc.)
• Clean mirrors
• Care for pet
• Know Address and Phone number

Take time to adjust your chore chart to include new responsibilities.

Technorati Tags: chore chart, chores, independent children

Have you ever lost track of your child in a store or amusement park?  I have.  The owners of SafetyTat have come up with a brilliant idea.  One day, while at an amusement park, they decided to write their cell phone number on the arm of each of their three children and although their children did not get lost that day, it gave them piece of mind knowing that there would be a may to contact them if any of their children were lost.

Building on that idea, SafetyTat makes safety tattoos.  These funs, temporary tattoos that can be applied to the arm of your child.  There are different types of tattos including:

Original - These tattoos come with one line of customization.  Choose a design and add your phone number.  These tattoos require water to apply.

Write-On - These tattoos require no water to apply and are waterproof.  They will last up to two weks.  They are shipped blank and you can write in your phone number with a waterproof tattoo marking pen.

Allergy - Is your child allergic to peanuts?  You can buy these tattoos that will let everyone know, just in case!

Special Needs - Do you have a child with a special need?  SafetyTats has four different designs that could help your child if they were every lost or seperated from the group.

SafetyTat is also a great product for school trips, vacations and other outings.

Technorati Tags: child safety, independent children

Five and six year olds are finally out of the toddler stages and enjoy planning!  They can also be real talkers and like to discuss what is going on around them.  They are eager to learn, but can get frustrated if things don’t come easy enough.  At this age, they usually prefer one to two friends at a time, instead of a large group.  This is the age when they can be a bit bossy!

Since they are capable of doing a lot more at these ages, chores and responsibilities should change.  Introduce them to money and let them save and spend.  Have them save for a bigger purchase and it will give them a sense of accomplishment.

Children that are five and six should be able to:

• Clean/Straighten their own room
• Take a Shower (teach them how to wash their body and hair)
• Vacuum small areas
• Dust
• Empty garbage cans (with a little help)
• Set and Clear the Table
• Help make their own lunch
• Help load and empty dishwasher
• Clean sinks
• Know how to use a microwave
• Water plants
• Learn how to use the phone

Giving your five and six year old an allowance, with rules, can teach them financial responsibility.  A good rule of thumb, is one dollar per week per year of age.  A five year old would receive $5 per week.  Have the child save part of the money, give some to charity and leave a little left over for spending.  Here is how my child spilts up his allowance: $1.00 for college savings, $0.50 for charity, $2.50 for spending and then $1.00 to be saved for a big purchase.  If he wants put more money towards the big purchase, he can take money out of spending money.

Try using a fun chore chart that rewards your child as well!

Technorati Tags: chore chart, chores, independent children

Photo by chefranden

Three and four year olds are usually independent by nature. They want to “do it” themselves even though they may not be able to finish the task. They may find it harder to transition at this stage and may need to be warned of changes before hand (we are going to the store in 5 minutes). They readily accept suggestions and can follow simple directions. They enjoy helping with chores and this is a good time to start a simple chore chart for them. When giving them a choice, let them choose between two things (i.e. you can wear the red or the blue shirt today).

Three and four year olds may become more picky at meal times. Decide how you best want to handle these situations. If you make a rule, such as, you must try at least two bites of everything, stick with it.

Children that are three and four should be able to:

• Dress
• Use potty by themselves
• Learn to brush teeth (but may need some help still)
• Pick up toys
• Say prayers with help
• Make bed by straightening covers
• Make a simple breakfast (cereal and milk, toast)
• Make a simple sandwich
• Put belongings away in room

As a parent, this is a good time to get in the practice of teaching your child these skills. As she gets older, you will add to the skills that you teach her.

Start a chore chart for your child at this age. Some responsibilities could include:

• Help make the bed
• Pick up toys and books
• Put dirty laundry in laundry basket
• Help feed pets
• Clean up spills
• Dust

You can buy a chore chart, find a free printable one on the internet, or make a simple chart yourself.

NOTE: This is the second part in a seven part series. Previous posts include:

Tips for Raising Independent Children

Technorati Tags: chore chart, chores, independent children

I was often frustrated when trying to potty train my son. At first he was interested in trying to use the potty, but when he became an inconvience for him and interfered with his play time, he decided he wanted nothing to do with it. I finally came upon a reward solution that worked for him, however, what works for one child does not always work for another.

I recently heard about two new potty training methods that are getting great reviews. Here is my take on the two methods.

Potty Training Boot Camp

Potty Training Boot Camp was developed by Suzanne Riffel, a mom who, like many of us, spent hours trying to come up with the best potty training method for her children. After trying many different methods, Suzanne combined a few training ideas and tried it on her 20 month old daughter. The method worked! Suzanne has written a step-by-step method called The Potty Training Boot Camp.

This method involved four phases: Prep Work, Boot Camp, Reinforcement and Maintenance. The Potty Boot Camp works on children 18 months or older and completes 90% of training in just a couple of days. You can download The Potty Training ebook from Suzanne’s site and the price is very resonable - $5.95. Of course, if you want a real copy of the book, you can buy it at Amazon.com for $10.75.

Potty Training Made Easy with the Baby Signs Program

Dr. Linda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn are the brains behind the Baby Signs programs. In 1982, they discovered that babies between 10 and 24 months could use simple signs to represent words they could not say. The Baby Signs Program was developed and showed parents how to teach their children simple signs to communicate.

After doing some research, Linda and Susan realized that in the 1950s, 92% of children were potty trained before the age of two. Now, most children are potty trained between two and three. Linda and Susan have developed a Potty Training program using Baby Signs that can be started before your child turns two.

The Baby Signs Potty Training Program shows you how to communicate with your child before she can talk. The kit comes with an All Aboard the Potty Train DVD, All Aboard Potty Train Lift-the-Flap Book, Job Well Done! Stickers and All Aboard the Potty Train Conductor’s Whistle.

If you are intersted in potty training your child early, this program may be the one for you.

Technorati Tags: baby signs, potty training, toddler discipline

Will he grow up to be a fireman?

What is our responsibilities as parents? Certainly we must love, nurture and protect our children. However, we must also make sure that our children grow up to be responsible and responsible adults and this means teaching them the skills that they will need as they mature and grow.

In order to raise children that will be able to eventually live and thrive on their own, we must create a balance. Raising independent children does not mean an environment where there is too much freedom and not enough parental guidance. On the other hand, if you make all the choices for your children, they will never learn to be independent.

Here are a few tips for raising independent children:

Don’t Do Everything for Your Child

I know this is hard, very hard, however, as a parent, we need to teach our children and let them try it on their own. It may be faster for me to tie my son’s shoelaces every day, but if I never teach him how and then let him try, he will never be able to tie his laces. The same principle applies with chores. Children may take longer and not do as good a job as the parent, but they need the responsibility and the opportunity to learn the correct way.

Teach Your Child to Prioritize

When your child starts school, this is the perfect time to teach them to priortize. Help them make a list of what she needs to do each day. Help them schedule time for homework, chores and play time.

Teach Your Child Life Skills

Your child will need certain life skills in order to eventually be an independent adult. The last thing you want is for your 39 year old daughter or son stopping by each week for you to do the laundry! Following posts will focus on life skills that you can teach your child each year as they grow.

Teach Them About Money

Discuss with younger children the cost of different items including food and toys. Older children should be taught how to manage money. When they are old enough, give them a budget for clothing or other necessities and make them stick to it. Teach them the concept of saving and giving.

This post is the first post in a nine part series:

Part 1 - Tips for Raising Indpendent Children
Part 2 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 3 and 4 Year Olds
Part 3 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 5 and 6 Year Olds
Part 4 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 7 and 8 Year Olds
Part 5 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 9 and 10 Year Olds
Part 6 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 11 and 12 Year Olds
Part 7 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 13 and 14 Year Olds
Part 8 - Raising Independent Children - Skills for 16 through 18 Year Olds
Part 9 - Raising Independent Children - Conclusions

Another article in the series will be posted each week. Don’t miss a single one - Have the articles emailed to you!

Technorati Tags: discipline, independent children, parenting

My daughter is a high school freshman. She is not old enough to get a “real” job, but I like to have a game plan before she starts asking. The appeal to having is job is MONEY. Almost every teen wants extra spending money in their pocket and since Mom and Dad don’t grow money on trees, they figure that they will need a job to afford all those extra luxuries.

I personally think that having a job as a teenager is a good thing. However, if they are going to work during the school year, the hours should be very limited, 10 to 15 at the most. Here are some points to think about:

• Discuss the hours that your teen can work. Be realistic. If your teen is involved in sports or music, their time may be very limited.
• Suggest the possibility of having your teen work only during the summer. This will give your teen plenty of time for school work and extra curricular activities during the school year.
• Set up a budget for your teen. Tell them what you expect them to pay for out of the money they earn, what they should save, and what they should give to charity.
• Teens who work long hours tend to also be involved in more risky activities. Keep in mind that school work should still be their number one focus.
• If your teen absolutely hates school and does not plan to go on to college, try to get them to focus on a career plan after high school. Are they interested in construction or electronics? Maybe they could get a part time job as an apprentice.

Currently, my girls both get a budget for clothing and can earn extra money from doing “money chores.” Money chores are chores that are above and beyond the normal chores that they do as part of our family, such as filing paperwork, cleaning out the refrigerator or freezer and babysitting. If my teen were to get a job, we would adjust the clothing budget so that she would need to contribute to it as well. I good rule of thumb that I have found is: 40% savings, 10% charity and 50% spending money. Spending money can include such things as gas, movie tickets, clothing and eating out.

When your teen asks if he can get a job, be sure to sit down with him and devise a plan that will balance home, school and job.

Technorati Tags: teen discipline, teen jobs

I have two daughters, ages 9 and 14.  It is not too hard to guess that they like to shop for clothing!  Before I knew what was happening, their closets and drawers will filled with clothing that they seldom wore.  I started establishing some rules for clothing purchases and here is the process we follow at our house.

One in, Two Out

For every one item of clothing brought into the house (purchased or a gift), the girls must get rid of two similar pieces of clothing that they own.  I have started with the one for two option since they have too many clothes right now.  When their are less clothes in their room, I will change the rule to one in, one out.

The Budget

Each girl is given a budget for purchases every six months.  The first “payment” is in August in time for back to school shopping and the next payment is in February.  We determine ahead of time what amount each child should get and these amounts are not always the same.  For example, my older daughter is required to purchase certain items of clothing for soccer and this amount is included in the budget.

Clothing, Shoes and Accessories

The budget money is only to be spent on clothing, shoes and accessories (such as bags and belts).  I do not allow them to purchase food, video games, movie tickets and the like with this money.  I purchase school supplies for them and this does not come out of their budget.

Keep Track

I give each of my girls a notebook for them to keep track of their purchases.  They must staple the receipt and keep a running total.  I review it with them every two weeks or so.

Exclude Certain Purchases

Some clothing purchases are excluded from the budget.  Prom dresses and dresses or outfits for events they are required to attend (family wedding, anniversaries, etc.) are excluded.  However, they are required to purchase clothing from their budget money for friends parties.

Discuss Appropriate Purchases

Before you allow your teen or tween to start purchasing, go over with them what is appropriate.  At our house, halter tops and belly shirts are on the inappropriate list (as well as other items).  If they make a purchase you don’t approve of, make them take it back.  Of course, if you just don’t like the color, you might have to live with it!

It’s Your Money

When we are out shopping, and my girls want to make a purchase (that is appropriate), I tell them “It’s Your Money.”  My older daughter has learned that spending $25 on one t-shirt is not economical.  She can get two or three t-shirts for the same price at a discount store or on sale at a department store.

If I am shopping with my girls I pay for the purchases and then have them write it in their notebooks.  If my older daughter goes to the store with friends, I will give her a small amount and have her return all the change and bring back the receipts.  Money for food comes out of her chore money.

Don’t Give In

Some kids will want to spend the whole budget at one shot.  Don’t give in, if they can not purchase anything until the next budget period.  They will better understand how to manage money if you don’t step in when they make mistakes. 

My goal as a parent is to raise children into responsible adults.  Giving them every thing they could possibly want, does not make them responsible.  My daughters have learned that they have to make wise purchases if they want to make their money last for six months.

Technorati Tags: budget, discipline how to, parenting, shopping, teen shopping, tween