I received this question from a reader:

“I am wondering where to turn…I have a nine year old, who is driving me crazy with his dawdling! He moves so slowly, and I feel like I’m always on his case to move faster, faster, faster! We’ve tried using a timer, adding chores, etc, but nothing seems to work! I know he can move fast if he’s motivated, but I can’t seem to find that one thing that works for him! Can you help? Or point me in a direction?”

Nothing drives me crazier than a dawdling child! All of my three children at some point have been dawdlers. I have found that sometimes what I consider dawdling is not really dawdling at all. I tend to be an impatient person and a child who doesn’t immediately act on my command causes frustration for both myself and the child.

Instead, I have tried a number of different techniques:

  • I found that sometimes I wasn’t giving my child enough time, especially in the morning. I, like my kids, like to sleep until the last minute, but I know how quickly I can get ready. I need to give them more than the 20 minutes it takes me. Instead of trying to rush, I try to get them out of bed 20 minutes earlier.
  • I made each child a chart with pictures that has their morning and bedtime routines listed in order. The first step, get out of bed. Then, get dressed, etc. They are not allowed to do ANYTHING else until all steps are completed.
  • After school, homework and chores must be completed before anything else is attempted. If it takes until dinner time to do those things, then it is off to bed after dinner.

A friend of mine had a daughter that was constantly late for everything. He set up a time schedule for her. For example, she must be ready to go out the door for school at 8:15am. If she is not ready at 8:15am, she must go to bed that night 30 minutes earlier. Then he gives her until 8:20am. If she is not ready by 8:20am, another 30 minutes of time is added to bed time, etc. It only took him a week of this before she learned that going to bed at 6:00pm is not a very attractive idea. Don’t make the deadline to get ready at 8:15am if school starts at 8:30am. You will need extra time as a buffer to allow the child some mistakes.

Always use praise when the child does get ready or completes tasks on time. Depending on the age of the child, a chart with stickers might be a good idea as well. Also, children who dawdle may be seeking attention. The more I yelled, the more it seemed to worsen. Instead, I came up with an action plan, stuck to it and calmly told them when they had missed a “deadline.” Of course, I am not perfect, and I tend to get very impatient when things are not done to my time schedule, but I am learning!

 

Technorati Tags: ,